Bizarre Quiz of the Day:

Not one but MANY MANY MANY bizarre tests can be found at "THE SPARK". May contain content objectionable to some viewers, since they have a twisted sense of humor. I spent :45 on a stupid IQ test where 103 was ABOVE average. Think you can beat me? Take it yourself, be my guest.

RANTS

Ever have to give up something you just didn't want to? Well, I have to. I have to give up a dream world in order to achieve peace in the real world. That's not as easy as it sounds. I've had this dream world with me for a long, long time. And I gave it up once, I did. Then I figure, well, there's no harm in reopening that. Then the subject of said dreamworld resurfaces and causes me pain. *blam* After a lot of talking, I realize...it's the DREAM of him, not the FACT of him that I have to give up. The fact of him doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's the dream world. I like it. It's familiar and kind to me. It's fun. And I can't have it anymore. I'm a little annoyed with that, to say the least.

Of course, if I do give it up I also get to let go of my nasty self-guilt. I can't beat myself up for being the horrible person I was anymore. I can let go of all that pain and horror. And then, when and if I do see Dream Dude, I will have nothing left for him to take, or me to give to him. That'd be nice. I'd like to let that go. So, off it ALL has to go.

RAVES

On the same topic, I must commend myself and my DH for talking it out ourselves. I could have so avoided the entire topic and not said anything. The guilt of talking about the whole Dream Dude debacle is horrific, especially with the injured party. And it's hard to explain that the entire reason I loved Dream Dude ever was because I made him perfect in my mind. I forced him into this role and this game where I needed him to go, it has nothing to do with reality whatsoever. He's NOT a nice guy. He's NOT perfect by any means. He's actually mean and petty a lot of the time (although he is vastly misunderstood, too) and he means to be. Anyhow, he's a Dream Dude.

But the DH helped me through a really difficult day. He really helped me see what my problems were in relation to being confronted with Dream Dude. And I seriously doubt any other married couple would have talked it through like that. If I'd been him, I wouldn't have wanted to talk about it. (Which is why I don't bring it up, ever.) But he's all right with it. He understands better than I gave him credit for. Guess that's the bottom line.

Want to mention my bestest friend Babe here, too. Because I didn't think I should talk HONESTLY to anyone about this whole debaucle. But thanks to Babe I not only talked to him, but to the DH and to Kou as well. I have good friends. I just don't realize it sometimes. I figured I was going to have to deal with it all by myself. I'm glad I didn't.

Yesterday's Effortless Prosperity lesson was about letting go of resentment you had toward someone. And then Dream Dude turns up. And everything else that came along with it. Well, the reading assignment, which I put off until the end of the day yesterday, was about DREAM WORLDS. That's right. The last lines are prophetic to me, please let me share:

"You choose peace or turmoil - heaven or hell - every moment. The decision is yours: your peaceful home, or your illusionary world." (copyright to Bijan there)

The "home" he refers to is reality, by the way. So I did most of yesterday in hell, because I was afraid of the future and what "might" happen, because I had to let my illusionary world go and live in my reality. And when I realized that was the trouble, I felt at peace.

And when I meditated last night, I bundled up all the Dream Dude things, wrapped him and his baggage in tape and chains and locks and safes, and buried it inside a cave. That's where it's going to stay this time. I choose my peaceful home, not my illusionary world.

Wishing you peace.....