Neither a rant nor a rave, but a question I wanted to answer. Thanks to Sal for showing me the link to the webring and group where I got the question, Pagan Speak. I'm not a member, mostly because I still don't have a spirituality page on my website. I've had one in the planning forever, but just haven't quite got it set up yet. Anyhow, I still wanted to answer the question.

Struggles on the Path

We all have times of inner conflict when it comes to our spiritual path. We change, we explore, we learn. Talk about how your spiritual path is going. Have you had any struggles that have been particularly important to you in getting where you are? Share how you got through the tough times and what it taught you. Do you think there will be ever a moment when we will just get it and no longer be seeking?

I'll try to be as brief as I can be about my spiritual path. It's not clear-cut, on purpose, which is a lot of the problem. I consider myself part-Astrology, part-Buddhist, part-Wiccan and a general follower of whatever works for me in every given situation. I don't ascribe to any particular religion or doctrine for all those reasons. Why? I'm overly flexible.

Let's start with the spiritual path. Astrology is really the core of my spiritual path. If it wasn't for astrology, and an in-depth look into how it works and all comes together, I wouldn't be who am I today. I wouldn't understand much about myself or how I work, and I wouldn't know when I was throwing up roadblocks for myself. I can see them most of the time now, which is good. This is where the flexibility comes in. I'm an Aries Horse, with Libra rising. When I'm in my good place, I've stopped putting myself first, and have started using balance and justice, fairness and flexibility to put others before myself. However, this makes me seem incredibly wishy-washy, since I keep rethinking what I think I already figured out.

In the realm of spirituality, this means I believe in almost everything. I believe in an overall spirit-father-mother figure. This figure will change as I need him/her/it to for various prayers, spells, and worship. The core belief here is that there IS something, but that it doesn't really have a name, a face, or a gender (geez, how arrogant are we that it must be like us?), a race, a creed, nothing. It is nameless and formless and belongs to each of us as we see it individually.

I have no actual religion. I make it up as I go along, and worship however I want. That's what America is for. I light candles and do Wiccan spells, I light candles and say prayers (much the same, IMO), I say prayers when I'm on the bus, I'm not afraid to "take the Lords name in vain" as often as I want (Since it's really just invocation), I don't read the bible but I know all the stories and think they're grand, and I have a weakness for Greek gods. Big deal. I'll bet you can't call on Zeus, Hera, Artemis and Ares and turn around and call on Jesus. Belief is belief. Again, it's flexible, it's nameless and formless and belongs to each of us as we see it individually. You aren't wrong, I'm not wrong, they aren't wrong. Go for it.

Have you had any struggles that have been particularly important to you in getting where you are? Good grief, at least one a week. More like one a day, right now. I have the worst time expressing myself when it comes to spirituality, so I can't really share it. And I think sharing is a good thing. Handing out knowlege, teaching others, all of that, it's very important. But I can't do more than just BE my spirituality and teach by doing.

Let's take the book, teachings, and lessons in "Effortless Prosperity" by Bijan. This is just one example in a long line of books and studies and things I've had myself do to get in tune with the universe. To me, it's not a big thing. But I know going in that I'll probably take a whacking for it. (I did.) I am full of humor, and take such things in stride, really. It really doesn't have anything to do with anyone else but me, so laugh all you want. I didn't say you should join up or that you should follow the teachings (which are really great, by the way) or do the daily lessons or anything. I may offer you the URL and say, "Well, try this." but I think that's as far as I went with it. Your choice is your choice. Exercise it. (I got two total ignores and one freakout, btw. So far. What will tomorrow bring? LOL)

Now, Bijan's lessons are based on peace within yourself that reaches out to others around you and to the universe at large. This is great. This taps into the universal consciousness (which I know about from my astrology learning) and helps to bring peace to everyone. Think of it this way: Every thought you have goes up into the atmosphere around the planet. Which do you think, right now, is more prevalant, good thoughts or bad? Within yourself? Within others? Exactly. So, count my thoughts on the good side. And every day at 1pm I'll still be praying for world peace, too. It's the very least I can do.

So, I'm teaching by doing. I'm being quiet when I need to be quiet. I'm letting go of my 'supposed' control of the universe and trying to see what good things God is bringing to my life (like Bijan and David and everyone in my life) and what lessons I am learning. It's not easy. But I AM doing it.

Share how you got through the tough times and what it taught you. The tough times are still coming. I'm standing in the middle of them right now. I have a wealth (pun) of problems concerning wealth (ha!) which would be stressing me out. A month ago, I would have been freaking out. In fact, I did have a freak out about three days ago, and cried over the entire lot of stress (not the actual problem, the stress of the problem was more annoying). But I discovered I was also 'hormonally' challenged at that particular juncture. But the release helped, I felt better, and the next day was easy and smooth and peaceful. And today, although the problem itself remains, I am still at peace.

I do want to mention a string of days early this month when I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and couldn't figure out what was wrong. My father had admitted on the phone that he was a bad father, that it was his fault I had been physically abused and sexually abused. Man, what a thing to say! We usually sweep this topic right up under the rug. Anyhow, I was in turmoil about it. Because I hadn't really forgiven him for it all. I mean, I'd rationalized it into someone else's hands, taken the power to forgive away from myself. David helped me understand that, and I said out loud, "Well, I forgive him for that." and have been oversleeping since. LOL. Of course, I still need to tell dad that to his face, and I will, but he's hard to pin down. He's supposed to take my boys camping sometime or other, so I will see him soon. And I will be happy to share that with him. (Cause I don't think I should on the stupid phone or by email, or normal means of communicaton.LOL)

So there are lots of struggles. I don't think we stop struggling with those outside our spiritual paths, or within ourselves.

Do you think there will be ever a moment when we will just get it and no longer be seeking? Only on that final day. (Without going into horrible detail, I mean, is this the longest blog post ever for me or what?)

So, keep your spirit sharp today.